ALOHA TO MY OHANA

I am very fortunate to have my mother-in-law with us this summer because we get to eat her home cooked meals especially her egg rolls and noodles. She loves to cook and watch shows such as Jeopardy and detective shows. She spends most of her time in the kitchen preparing and cooking our favorite food. I also got the chance to asked her questions on how to cook my husband's favorite food. I also helped her cut vegetables, meat, and prepare other ingredients needed for her cooking. 

The other day, my mother-in-law took out some ingredients and I asked her if she needs assistance. I asked and listened to her instructions on how to prepare everything when I finished she checked it and proceed to her cooking. She saw  that I peeled and prepared a lot of shrimps. She told me it is too much and I asked her if I can keep some in the refrigerator  so she can use it later. She told me to just put everything because it might not be good for later and I did. That is one of the most important thing I learned from my mother on how to deal with in-laws--"listen and learn, do not argue, compliment and appreciate the things they do for you". And that is what I did. When the noodles were cooked she told me that I put a lot of shrimps and it should not be that way. I looked, smiled and explained that she instructed me to do it and I did. She kept on repeating again and again the issue about putting too much shrimp and I finally decided to approached her, gave her a pat  and told her:" Mama, just forgive me please, do not worry about the shrimp too much. I will buy you some more shrimp,  what is important: the food came out tasting good and that is what matters. right? She looked at me and smiled.

In situation like this, we tend to lose our patience and put the blame on others for what they did wrong which put us in a bad situation. In my case, I could not blame my mother-in-law for reasons that it is a part of our culture to just obey and another reason is fear- who is not afraid of your in-laws? Kidding aside, I did it to avoid conflict that may affect my relationship with my in-laws. I learned to apply the principles of NVC about taking responsibility for my actions. Although I have every reason to assert myself and blame her for the outcome of the food, I have to think and be careful not to say anything that will cause our good relationship to suffer. And besides I do not want to throw away years of good relationship just because of the "shrimp".

I guess, my culture has something to do with it and the way my family raised me. When I reflect on this experienced, I realized it is not really the shrimp that matters, it is my mother-in-law trying to test my patience and how I will deal with her. I am really glad that I did the way I did it because now I get to eat more delicious food prepared and cooked by my mother-in-law.

 You may have different reactions or you may say things to your in-laws if it happens to you right? What will you do or how are going to deal with an in-law like mine? Is there any other way or how does your culture deal or react with this kind of situation?

   Reference:

   The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/