I am very fortunate to have my mother-in-law with us this summer because we get to eat her home cooked meals especially her egg rolls and noodles. She loves to cook and watch shows such as Jeopardy and detective shows. She spends most of her time in the kitchen preparing and cooking our favorite food. I also got the chance to asked her questions on how to cook my husband's favorite food. I also helped her cut vegetables, meat, and prepare other ingredients needed for her cooking. 

The other day, my mother-in-law took out some ingredients and I asked her if she needs assistance. I asked and listened to her instructions on how to prepare everything when I finished she checked it and proceed to her cooking. She saw  that I peeled and prepared a lot of shrimps. She told me it is too much and I asked her if I can keep some in the refrigerator  so she can use it later. She told me to just put everything because it might not be good for later and I did. That is one of the most important thing I learned from my mother on how to deal with in-laws--"listen and learn, do not argue, compliment and appreciate the things they do for you". And that is what I did. When the noodles were cooked she told me that I put a lot of shrimps and it should not be that way. I looked, smiled and explained that she instructed me to do it and I did. She kept on repeating again and again the issue about putting too much shrimp and I finally decided to approached her, gave her a pat  and told her:" Mama, just forgive me please, do not worry about the shrimp too much. I will buy you some more shrimp,  what is important: the food came out tasting good and that is what matters. right? She looked at me and smiled.

In situation like this, we tend to lose our patience and put the blame on others for what they did wrong which put us in a bad situation. In my case, I could not blame my mother-in-law for reasons that it is a part of our culture to just obey and another reason is fear- who is not afraid of your in-laws? Kidding aside, I did it to avoid conflict that may affect my relationship with my in-laws. I learned to apply the principles of NVC about taking responsibility for my actions. Although I have every reason to assert myself and blame her for the outcome of the food, I have to think and be careful not to say anything that will cause our good relationship to suffer. And besides I do not want to throw away years of good relationship just because of the "shrimp".

I guess, my culture has something to do with it and the way my family raised me. When I reflect on this experienced, I realized it is not really the shrimp that matters, it is my mother-in-law trying to test my patience and how I will deal with her. I am really glad that I did the way I did it because now I get to eat more delicious food prepared and cooked by my mother-in-law.

 You may have different reactions or you may say things to your in-laws if it happens to you right? What will you do or how are going to deal with an in-law like mine? Is there any other way or how does your culture deal or react with this kind of situation?

   Reference:

   The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

 

  

Who am I as a Communicator?

Our lesson this week has been very interesting. It has shown us that we need to have both verbal and non-verbal communication in order to know the person better. It is not enough that we see a person but to interact and communicate is the key to having good relationship with one another. I have learned to know how others see me and how I see myself as a communicator. 

It was a good experience learning that people see me as never engaging in verbal aggressiveness and respectful to the viewpoints and intelligence of other people. I have assessed myself as moderate in verbal aggressiveness scale maintaining the balance between respecting and considering other people's point of view and attacking the problem itself rather than the person. With regards to my listening styles, the people who evaluated me as well as myself , see me as belonging  to group 1 which is people-oriented. I am really pleased , how people see me and how I see myself were similar and the result of the test were very close. The communication anxiety inventory result were also between low to moderate. Other people see me as being comfortable communicating in most situations and seems not to bother me at all. I also rated myself as mild. I sometimes see myself as uneasy but at the same time confident in communicating with others.

I only chose two people to assessed me and I know that the results will definitely change depending on who, what, how and when the communication between us take place. This week topic has taught me the importance of verbal and non-verbal communication between people. I also learned that our self-concept strongly influences how and when we communicate with others, the reverse is also true, when we interact with other people we get the impressions from them that reveal how they evaluate us as a person and as communicator (O'Hair & Weimann, 2009).

Reference:

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Week 3 Assignment 2 (EDUC-6165)

I am very fortunate to work and communicate with different group of people and culture every day but I find it interesting that even the people of the same culture as mine is communicating differently from each other. I came from an archipelago country which is comprised of 7,102 islands and each island or group of islands have their own dialect or language they speak. I believe we have 175 dialects or language in the Philippines but there is one language that we speak in common which is the Tagalog language. I have to explain to you the language part because even though we came from the same group or culture, sometimes we have different interpretation and understanding of the topic we are discussing. We also have differences in our belief, traditions and practices, some are the same and some are conflicting.  We will have a discussion afterwards, explain to each other about our understanding of the topic, and then we will laugh at each other. The other group will wonder what is going on then we will explain how we came from the same country of origin but we differ in some ways from each other. After we talk and explain it to other groups, we will have a discussion to make the issue clear, then we will explain to each other our point of view and we will start laughing at each other because we kid about our differences.    

Based on what I learned this week, I would like to listen and get to know the person more before responding or making any comment. I will apply the Platinum Rule: "Do to others as they themselves would like to be treated” ( Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). I have to start changing myself before others will change, removing all my expectations and scrutinizing my attitude towards others. I shall remove my hidden resentments and prejudices and be open to understanding other people’s culture so that I can communicate to others effectively.

Reference:

 Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon. Chapter 4, "Interpersonal Communication and Diversity: Adapting to Others" (pp. 85–114).

Week 2 Assignment 2 - EDUC 6165

I was looking at the television guide and looking at the shows which I would not or would be the last choice for me to watch and I found the show Jerseylicious. The reason for choosing this show for my blog assignment this week is not because I do not like it or has anything against it. I am a typical conservative and simple woman who is not into fashion. In short, I do not have any fashion style or fashion sense at all. I only go to a beauty parlor for a haircut which is the same style all the time.

Jerseylicious show caught my attention because of curiosity. I heard that this show have been airing for quite a long time and I am wondering what could be very interesting in watching these people talk about hairstyle, what others wear, how they make others look better and what do they do to make themselves pretty or handsome. Everything looks superficial to me.

When I watch the show without the sound, I could not understand and could not make sense of all the things they are talking about. Although, I can see that they are constantly talking on the show and look like they are not acting natural. Most of the characters are well dressed with make-up on and seems to compete with one another with the way they look. I thought it is just about cutting hair and competing about who looks better than the other.

 I found them communicating very well and conversations seem endless because each one has something to say.  I can also see some people getting upset with something or somebody but I could not comprehend because I am just looking at their facial expressions and gestures.

After watching it without a sound, turned the sound on and watch it again. I was able to understand what the show is about. Now, I come to understand that you cannot judge people by the way they look; you really have to dig deeper, talk and listen in order to know a person. In this case it is the show. You need to have caption to read or a sound to make you understand the show better. Without a sound or a caption to read, everything seems not to make sense or you might end up with different interpretation of what you see.  Surprisingly, I found the show interesting because it has shown how each beauty salon wanted to succeed and one way to do it is being recognized by a prestigious magazine. It also show cased that the staff working in the salon were normal people like us too.

They also have families, starting a family, having a baby and how they take care of themselves and others. They are mother also like us, who needs time for themselves and time also to bond with other mothers in the workplace.   The show also has shown me that some characters judge each other by the way they look but when they had a chance to go out and spent time talking to each other, they found out that they have so many things in common. They were honest about their first impression on each other and instead of getting offended; they talked more about themselves, understand more of each other and has created a good friendship among each other.  

 I believe my assumptions could have been better if I watched the show with sound or at least with caption because I will have an idea what they are talking about. Although we know how important gestures and facial expression in communication, we also cannot deny the fact that verbal communication such as talking and listening is as important as non- verbal communication in understanding each other.