I am a maltreatment survivor

I remember when I was little, about 6 or 7 years old, I will cry so hard and scream on the top of my lungs every time my mother leaves me. I will run and hit or kick the door so hard, hoping that my mother will hear me. I was thinking, probably when she hears me cry, she will change her mind about leaving for work. I always pray that she will stay with me and not leave me alone with my nanny.

In our culture, we leave in an environment where people help and take care of each other - not just people related to us but also our neighbors and community. People live by honor and trust. When somebody closer to you refers someone, you mark their word and seal the deal. That is how my mother hired my nanny. She was referred by a good friend. She was about 20 years old, quiet and very responsible. She was from the southern portion of the Philippines. She does everything in the house. She became our mother when my mother is not around. She makes sure that we study and finish our homework before my mother and father arrives home. My mother always tells us to listen to her and obey when she tells us to do something. She had given her sort of an authority to do what she must to discipline us but I am sure corporal punishment is not a part of the deal because my father and mother never “laid their hands on us”.

I remember getting pinching whatever part of my body she reaches just because she did not hear me say “yes” or “no” when being asked. I get hitting on my bottom using slippers or the stick from a broom just because I cannot walk so fast or cannot do the chores the way she wanted it to be done. One day I fell on the stairs trying to carry all the cleaning materials because I need to bring it all downstairs as fast as I can to please her. When I go out to play and come home dirty or with a wound, she will put me to bath and she will scrub me so hard with the”panghilod” (rough rock) and she will sometimes use a small towel to scrub my wound even the skin is starting to heal, she will continue to do it and telling me: “that’s what you get from playing outside…”. My wound always takes time to heal. The only time it will get better is when my mother sends me to have a vacation in my auntie’s house for the summer. Imagine how long I have to wait and endure all the pain. When my mother or father comes home late she puts me in the far, dark room in our house and let me stay there by myself. I remember one night, there was thunder and lighting and I am all by myself. I was so scared but cannot get out of the bed because I do not have any choice… the fear of my nanny overcome the fear of the loud thunder and lighting. I will just fall asleep and wake up having to think about what is going to happen to me again.

Having experienced this physical and social/ emotional abuse, my preschool and elementary years were not really a great experience. I remember being quiet at all times, shy and my self- esteem were really low even my grades are low compared to the rest of my siblings. They are all scholars at our school and they get awards every recognition day and I am the only one who was left out. In spite of being different my mother and father always supported me in activities that I love doing. They never compared me with my siblings and always believed and convinced me that each one of us has our own unique qualities and it is up to us to figure it out. The love and support my parents and siblings had erased all the bad experiences I had when I was little.  Believe it or not, I still have great appreciation for my nanny because she had made a strong person and made me what I am today.  

   In those days it is not considered as maltreatment, it is considered to be a part of molding or teaching children a lesson in life. Respect, discipline and obedience are the main thing in our culture. They believe that the combination of these experiences will make us a better person.

Upon taking this course, I realized that what I experienced is considered to be maltreatment, I considered myself fortunate because I have parent and siblings that cares for me and balances everything.  I believe there are children who experienced the same maltreatment as mine that did turn out to be positive the way mine does. The question that Berger mentioned in her book about: how frequently does maltreatment occur? I guess I will say that it is possible to say (rather than “impossible”) that not all cases of maltreatment are noticed, not all are noticed and reported, and not all that are reported are substantiated. Neglect is particularly likely to be ignored (Berger, (2006).

The question now is how can we distinguished maltreatment and what can we do to prevent maltreatment among children wherein other culture does not considered it as such.


Berger, K. S. (2009). The developing person through childhood (5th ed.). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.       


I would like to share a video of the children in the Philippines living in poverty at this address, please watch and learn more about the country where I grew up. It is really difficult to see that the people especially the children are living in this condition, the poor gets poorer and poorer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0anJ1LI30mE. In spite of the hardship, family remains intact, religion and culture plays a very big role in each one's survival.